Expectations: A Guide for Better Relationships

My closest friends for years have jokingly told me I expect too much from people. And, they’re not wrong. What was wrong was my lack of expectation setting, which is unfair for all parties involved.

Every joke hides a truth, and I realized the problem isn’t expecting too much from people, but the alignment and misalignment between those people. Expectations — whether we realize it or not — are unspoken contracts that help us succeed or destroy our relationships. And we need to work on that “unspoken” part.

In the past decade or so, both in my corporate and solo business adventures, I’ve recognized a similar pattern of struggle around three key areas: Leadership, Branding and Production. For some reason, conversations around these areas are hard, no matter who initiates them.

I’ve been in the employee seat looking up at leadership for guidance. And, I’ve sat across from teams and clients with the same feeling of loss and discomfort.

My theory, based on the books I’ve read, classes I’ve taken, and experiences I’ve gone through, is that we’re not taught how to have centered, human conversations that are as transparent as they are objective. (Thank you, outdated school system.)

I’ve felt this discomfort as a son, as a father, as an employee, as a manager and as an entrepreneur.

Somewhere along the way, however, I realized that in order to turn hard conversations into regular conversations, we needed to be on the same plane of existence anchored with empathy and respect. In a world of “fake it til you make it,” we need to take a different approach: “I see you. I hear you. Let’s connect.”

In my journey, I realized that most of us are “faking it” as we go, trying not to get “caught and uncovered as a fraud” because we don’t set expectations up front. We have rules. (God, do we love rules!) But, we don’t set realistic expectations in most areas of our lives, and this behavior naturally finds itself in our professional spaces.

FATHERLY VOICE: Here’s the thing. In our industry, we’re paid to find new solutions to new problems. So, it’s ok to not have answers. That’s why we’re here. We’re not faking anything, we’re simply figuring it out. It’s your choice to go at it on your own or to lean on people who add value to your spaces and figure it out together.

Ok, solutions. You want value from me, which is why you’re here reading in the first place. So, here are some ideas that helped me in the past and could potentially help you move forward. You could use these simple questions to set objective expectations for you and/or your teams and clients.

Expectations & Leadership

At the beginning of a new employee one-on-one onboarding or team building event, ask the person or persons to answer these simple questions.

What do you expect of:

1. This place or company?
2. Your department?
3. Your manager? (That’s probably you reading, my friend.)
4. Yourself? (This is always the hardest one! Why? Because self accountability isn’t easy.)

Expectations & Branding

Branding is such a hot word. Everyone wants it, yet most don’t understand its meaning. (But, this is not a branding post, so we’ll deal with that at a later time. Promise.) Everyone wants it because most people experience it daily. Most of us own an Apple and/or Nike product, or order from Amazon or Google weekly from an Echo or Nest device in our homes. (“Alexa, add ramen to my list!”)

For our purposes, these are the questions that could help you set objective expectations with your clients (internal or external) — or even help you with your own personal branding.

1. How much income/profit do you need to make?
2. How many forms of media (channels) do you want to have a presence in?
3. What emotional space do you want to have in your audiences’ hearts and minds?
4. What makes you unique, special or phenomenally interesting?

Expectations & Production

Production is tricky and that damn “Shot on iPhone” campaign has ruined people’s expectations of what a production looks like and how much they cost. These simple questions, I believe, will help you guide a client (internal or external) to have realistic expectations before choosing you to produce their marketing communications, evergreen content or ad campaigns.

1. What are you trying to accomplish in the short and long term?
2. How many people do you want to reach?
3. How much are you investing in media?
4. How long are you planning to have this product/content out in the market? (Don’t forget compounded value. You’re getting paid for their long-term success, not for a single-use, factory-made pair of pants.)

FINAL THOUGHTS

Setting expectations — objective or lofty — helps everyone understand the ground they’re standing on. This includes your clients, teams and company.

Expectations help us measure our processes, strategies and successes along the way. It also helps us maintain objectivity in a rather subjective industry and environment. Everyone has taste and style, but you have a strategic mind trained to move people through your creativity, and in that space is where your value lives and shines.

Setting expectations about goals, budgets and/or personal growth is a key part of being a successful leader, entrepreneur and/or business owner.

Most importantly, it creates an environment of trust through transparency and accountability. A space where emotions are allowed and achievement is human and honest.

Give these a try. Please let us know how they work for you. After all, you’re here getting your learning on, so we expect nothing less than great. We believe in you, friends.